


Of Inner Circles and Woolly Socks

by loveinkwell



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Accidental Plot, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bisexual Sirius Black, Cunning Sirius Black, Evil Plans, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Grey Marauders, Grey Sirius Black, Light Angst, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Shameless Smut, Smut, dark marauders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:55:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26038294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveinkwell/pseuds/loveinkwell
Summary: ...Before there was Lily & James, there was Lily & Sirius. And without one, there would never have been the other...."You know how Lily is when it comes to me. To us. To basically anyone, actually. She thinks she knows everything there is to know, and she's not open to changing her mind.”“But, say she did—you’d still be interested,” Sirius prompted. “It would make you happy.”“Well, yeah,” James admitted. “The happiest.”
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin (mentioned)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 22
Collections: Same Bones Universe





	Of Inner Circles and Woolly Socks

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: NSFW, and if slightly dark/grey Marauders is not your cup of tea, this may not be either.
> 
> ALSO: If you aren't put off by Blackcest, check out my one-shot Black Bones before this one. It shows where Sirius came from and why he's a Natural-Born-Bamboozler-Who-Only-Uses-His-Powers-For-Good-Never-Evil. He is a Black, after all ;)

Lily was halfway through her Transfiguration homework when she heard footsteps approaching the small table in the library where she sat alone. She looked up over the tall stack of books obscuring her view, and, to her surprise, the face that emerged was the handsome, smirking one of Sirius Black.

He leaned over the stack of books, bracing himself on the table’s edge with his hands. “Wotcher, Evans,” he said. “Anything fun happening in this corner of the world?”

“Not especially,” she said dryly, gesturing at her rolls of parchment. She cast him a suspicious glance. “I’m just an innocent bystander,” she warned him. “I’m not the next victim of whatever you and your lot have planned. So, if you’re looking for trouble, Black, you won’t find it here.”

His eyes widened in mock innocence. “Trouble? Wouldn’t dream of it.”

She was not at all convinced. After spending far too long at school with Sirius and his friends, Lily knew better. “Then what’re you doing in the library?” she demanded. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in here. I didn’t realize you even knew Hogwarts had a library.”

Sirius shrugged. “Remus and Peter are around here somewhere, doing research for…a personal project. I’m supposed to be helping them, only I got bored.” As if to emphasize the point, his lips quivered as he held back a yawn. “Thought I’d take a gander around, see if I could get into something interesting.”

“And that something is me?” Lily asked, bewildered. She was pretty sure Sirius Black had never found her interesting in the nearly six years they’d known each other.

“Suppose so,” Sirius said. Without invitation, he rounded the table, dropped into a chair, and settled in, regarding her with sharp grey eyes. He was wearing a black Rolling Stones t-shirt and Muggle jeans, his typical clothing of choice on weekends when school robes were optional, and his long dark hair was tied back into a careless bun. Lily suddenly felt a bit self-conscious under his gaze. She herself was in her school robes, which she’d thrown on in a hurry so she could get to the library without worrying about what to wear. Studying indoors on a beautiful spring Saturday, in uniform…she was certainly living up to her swotty reputation, wasn’t she? Meanwhile, Sirius was the only person she knew who could make casual—and, sometimes, downright rude—look elegant.

“Don’t expect me to entertain you,” she said tersely, figuring it was better to be direct. “I have things to do.”

Sirius seemed unbothered by her tone. He continued to look her over, a strange, thoughtful expression crossing his face. “You know, Evans,” he said after a while, “I’ve never noticed before, but you look rather fetching with your hair down. You should wear it down more often.”

Puzzled, Lily reached up to check her head, the quill in her hand sending a tiny shower of ink spots flying. It was true that Lily usually tied her hair up to keep it out of her face. Potions were brewed better, notes were reviewed better, even mandrakes were repotted better when your hair wasn’t in the way. Today, though, it seemed she had fiddled with her ponytail mindlessly while studying. Sure enough, her dark red hair was now hanging around her shoulders, and her hair elastic had somehow looped itself back around her wrist.

When her confusion cleared, she sighed and rolled her eyes. “You can’t possibly be looking for hair care tips from me, Black.”

“Why, because my hair’s already perfect?” Sirius asked, leaning back in his chair and preening. He let out a laugh, a sound like a soft bark, when Lily scowled in response. “Oh, relax, Evans, it’s a compliment. I’m just saying, you look good. Your birthday wasn’t too long ago, right? Seventeen?”

Lily nodded, but her eyes were narrowed in suspicion. Her birthday had been some two months ago, at the end of January. Her parents had sent her a beautiful set of new leather-bound notebooks, while Petunia hadn’t even bothered to sign the card. But where was he going with this?

Sirius’s ever-present smirk widened into a wicked grin. “Ah, well. Being of age suits you. It’s a glorious day for the blokes of Hogwarts, you know, each time a witch comes of age. Some of us keep running countdowns for our favorites.”

Lily felt heat rising in her cheeks. “You’re not insinuating—” she spluttered, cutting herself off before she could say aloud exactly what he wasn’t insinuating. She cursed herself for being so graceless and tongue-tied. She knew Sirius Black was a shameless flirt, had heard it from a variety of giggling girls over the years, but he’d never once turned his charm on her before. Perhaps it was because she used to spend so much time with Severus, whom he hated; perhaps it was because he felt Potter had laid some kind of sick claim to her; or perhaps it was because Lily steered clear of that group of boys as best she could. Regardless, Lily could not remember a time when Sirius flirted with her. He was probably only teasing her out of sheer boredom now, entertaining himself by making her blush.

Sirius said nothing, just watched as she writhed in discomfort, the grin never leaving his lips. His grey eyes were darkening with something that looked vaguely dangerous, his gaze pinning her to her seat, and Lily felt suddenly exposed despite that her drab school robes were practically buttoned up to her neck.

“You’re going to hell,” she informed him acidly.

But he only shrugged. Exasperated, Lily tried to turn her attention back to her notes, but as the silence that fell between them stretched on from seconds into a minute and then longer, she couldn’t focus on anything but her awareness of him watching her. Her sweaty fingers slipped on her quill. She didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was distracting her, but she also couldn’t relax until he left her alone.

Struck with a bolt of inspiration for how to drive him away, Lily remarked, “Actually, Black, to be honest, I’m surprised to hear you’re interested in witches, of age or not. I always rather thought that you and Remus… He and I have lots of time to kill on our prefect rounds, you know, and we _do_ talk…” She trailed off, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

Sirius didn’t look the slightest bit taken aback or ashamed at this accusation. Instead, if it were possible, his grin grew more wicked at the mention of Remus.

“Yes, well, I suppose I find the swotty, know-it-all type rather fanciable,” he mused, his voice low.

He leaned closer to her, elbows on his knees. His front chair legs made a racket in the otherwise quiet library as they clattered back down to the floor, making Lily cringe. She tried to turn away from him, drop her eyes back down to her parchment, but she heard his rough whisper loud and clear in her right ear all the same.

“Boys, girls, it doesn’t matter much to me. You and Remus are hippogriffs of the same feather, you swotty types. A tougher chase, but I like the challenge. And you lot are wound up rather tight, it’s true, but that just makes you come all the harder for me in the end, doesn’t it?”

Lily jerked her chair back from the table in a loud screech. “Sod off, you pervert!” she hissed furiously, her cheeks flaming. He was laughing now, rolling in his seat, clutching his stomach in mirth. She got to her feet, threw her things in her bag, and stormed away, her heart pounding. Mercifully, he didn’t follow.

* * *

The encounter with Sirius in the library stuck with Lily for far longer than she hoped. She didn’t want to admit that she liked the way his grey eyes darkened while fixed on her. She didn’t want to admit that hearing filthy words fall from his lips felt just as exhilarating as it felt unclean, maybe even more so. Embarrassingly, the whole experience made her feel warm and squirmy in places she wished it didn’t. Even now, the memory of it was enough to make those muscles deep in her pelvis clench.

It didn’t help that, the more she dwelled on this, the more she found herself watching Sirius while they were in lessons, at meals, in the common room. And while Mary and her other friends thankfully didn’t seem to notice, Sirius himself certainly had. The smug bastard would meet her eye from across the room and toss her a grin, the same wicked grin that made her squirm in her seat. A grin like he was some kind of feral predator who knew he could claim his prey whenever he wanted and was taking his time only for his own pleasure.

A week later, he cornered her in the supply closet during a Potions lesson. She was searching for more gurdyroots when she again heard footsteps behind her, and then the light in the closet dimmed as someone swung the door closed.

“I’ve been thinking about you,” Sirius began conversationally when she whipped around to face him. “And I believe you’ve been thinking about me, too.”

“How very presumptuous,” she grumbled, rolling her eyes.

“But am I presuming correctly?” Sirius asked, sounding surprisingly sincere.

When Lily didn’t answer, he took three steps toward her, closing the gap between them. Lily could retreat only a few centimeters before she felt the closet shelves pressing against her back. She stood frozen, holding her breath and staring at the infuriatingly loose knot in his Gryffindor necktie. She didn’t dare look up into his face for fear of what he—or what _she_ , since she appeared to be losing her mind these days—might do.

“What is this, some kind of prank?” she demanded after what seemed like hours of listening to him breathe and watching the knot in his tie rise and fall. She finally gathered the courage and looked up to meet his eye. “I told you that I’ve got no interest in anything involving you. Just mind your own business and I’ll mind mine, okay?”

“Okay, if that’s what you want,” Sirius said agreeably, but he didn’t move a muscle.

“It is,” Lily replied firmly. “Now, please, Black, let me by.”

“There’s enough room for you to get by,” Sirius countered, a hint of a smirk appearing. “I’m just here for more gurdyroots. But I suspect that you, Evans, enjoyed your time alone with me last week, and I suspect that you _have_ got interest in something involving me.”

Her heart was pounding so hard that she was afraid he might somehow hear it, standing as close as he was. She slid sideways along the wall away from him, the numerous glass bottles on the shelves tinkling precariously as she brushed by them.

Finally, she managed to dodge around him and darted for the door. Right before she yanked it open, though, she heard him say, his voice light and melodious, “Well, regardless, Evans, I have interest in something involving you. Just think about it. Could be fun.”

She sprinted back to her Potions station, where she hid her flaming face gratefully in the plume of hot steam rising from her cauldron. She cursed herself thoroughly, wondering exactly how this boy, whom she’d never given two thoughts to before, had somehow managed to get her knickers in such a tangle.

At first, she didn’t dare think anything of it. Surely it was all a massive joke Sirius was carrying on for his own entertainment. Sirius had never shown a single drop of interest in Lily before. Plus, with his devilish charm and his handsome features, not to mention a mysterious reputation and an insanely large inheritance from his uncle, Sirius could’ve had any number of other girls—or probably boys—at Hogwarts. He didn’t need to pursue Lily for sex. Oddly, though, despite his reputation as a flirt, there weren’t more than a couple stories of anyone actually having _done_ anything with him. For a while in fifth year, Lily suspected he might be boffing Mary, but no evidence ever materialized. As far as Lily was aware, Sirius never dated or brought anyone to Hogsmeade. Perhaps it was the whole thing with Remus that kept him from dating—or sleeping—around?

All else aside, too, there was the whole matter of that arrogant clown Potter. Sirius clearly loved him like a brother, anyone could see that. Would Sirius really try to boff the one girl in the whole castle that he’d asked out millions of times?

Although… now that Lily thought about it, Potter hadn’t asked her out in ages, not since the end of last year. There were even rumors of him sleeping his way through the female Quidditch enthusiasts of the castle, though, like all the other gossip that surrounded that gaggle of supremely frustrating boys, it was never confirmed. Maybe Lily’s prayers were finally answered, and Potter had lost interest in pestering her. One could only hope.

Free from that bit of niggling guilt, Lily began to consider Sirius’s offer in earnest. Lying alone in her four-poster bed night after night, questioning her very sanity, she imagined his tall frame splayed out next to her, leaning on an elbow, gazing at her with those hungry grey eyes. She imagined burying her fingers deep in his hair. She pictured his arms, slim but strong in those dumb rock band t-shirts, pictured tracing the muscles with the pads of her fingers. She wondered what his chest looked like, what his hips looked like…

She didn’t have to wait long to find out.

The night before Easter break began, most students had already left the castle on the Hogwarts Express and Lily was so looking forward to a relaxing evening in the prefect’s bath. The sixth-years had faced a brutal slew of exams that week, as if every teacher had suddenly seized upon the same idea of squeezing one in before the break. She undressed in the changing room and packed away her clothes, wrapped only in the fluffy towel that she’d use to dry off once she finished her bath.

But when she emerged into the bath chamber, there was already someone else there, standing barefoot by the water, watching the bubbles, wearing only his underpants. Nearby, a white t-shirt, cargo pants, and black combat boots lay on the floor in a messy pile.

“Black!” Lily yelped out. She clutched her towel close to her chest, as if he might try to rip it off of her. Quickly, though, she forced away any splendid thoughts of that happening. “How in the name of Merlin did you get in here?”

To his credit, Sirius looked shocked to see her as well. “Evans?” he said incredulously, peering at her through the dim light. “I—I—well, Remus gave me the password to get in, since I’m the only one of us staying over the hols,” he stammered, running a nervous hand through his hair. It was the only time in living memory that Lily could recall him looking less than graceful. “I didn’t realize anyone else would be in here. Shouldn’t the bath stop people from entering when it’s already occupied?”

“There’s a sign-up sheet,” Lily said, eyes narrowed, “for _official_ users of the prefects’ bathroom. But you already knew that, didn’t you? Already saw my name on there?”

Sirius’s hands shot up. “I swear I didn’t!” he exclaimed. “I like to earn my fun fair and square, not sneak around like some pervy little wanker!” He gave her a dramatic, beseeching look like a shamed puppy. “Please, Evans, you have to believe me.”

Maybe it was the fumes from the fragrant bath bubbles. Maybe it was that dumb puppy-dog look, so out of place on a face that usually alternated between haughtiness and smirk. Maybe it was finally seeing in person, after so many nights of fantasy, the gentle swell of the muscles on his shoulders, the solid young chest nearly devoid of hair, the subtle ridges that ran down his abdomen. Or maybe it was his underpants, which were a cornflower blue, patterned with what looked like a bunch of grey Beater’s bats, as if even his clothing needed to be slightly indecent. Lily wasn’t quite sure what it was, but suddenly, she couldn’t help herself. She started to smile, then giggle, and then finally burst out laughing, still holding securely onto her towel to keep it from slipping as her body shook.

Sirius was regarding her skeptically. “I hope you’re not imagining what a laugh it’ll be to tell the whole school that you caught me perving on you in the bath,” he said, his voice strained.

“No, no, don’t worry, I believe you,” Lily reassured him, after she’d taken her time calming her laughter and catching her breath. Given everything, she was rather enjoying watching _him_ squirm for once.

Sirius seemed relieved, his face clearing again into its usual smirk. Lily saw his gaze wandering to her exposed shoulders now, her collarbone above the edge of her towel. She shivered. Clearly, he was feeling more like himself again.

“I won’t tell anyone, but there can’t be a repeat of this, do you understand?” she continued firmly. “You _must_ tell me when you plan on using the prefects’ bath over the hols so I can stay well and far away. Oh, and when Remus gets back, he’s on thin ice with me for giving out the password.”

“Wait, you’re staying here for Easter, too?” Sirius asked, sounding surprised. “I thought you always went back home to see your folks.”

Lily chewed on her bottom lip for a moment before she said, “Yes, well. My dreadfully dull sister just got engaged to her dreadfully dull boyfriend, and I’m sure the only thing people will want to talk about is her dreadfully dull wedding. I—I just can’t face it.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Sounds like someone’s a bit jealous.”

“Not in the slightest!” Lily exclaimed at once, fighting the urge to push his smug, cornflower blue arse into the water and watch him choke on the bubbles. “I wouldn’t marry Vernon if he were the last man on Earth! I’d _much_ sooner marry Professor McGonagall!” When Sirius shot her a suggestive smirk, Lily snorted. “Don’t get any ideas. And, anyway, I could ask you the same thing: why aren’t you at the Potters’? I thought you always went there.”

Sirius’s handsome face suddenly turned pale and drawn. “Well, Fleamont—I mean, James’s dad—is ill,” he said, staring at the ground. “Quite ill. And so…I thought James might want to spend some time alone with him before I came barging into their home again this summer.”

Lily felt her heart soften despite herself, and she stepped closer, reached out to put a comforting hand on his arm. She barely registered the excited twitch in her stomach that she was touching his bare skin. “I’m sure they don’t feel that you’re barging in, Sirius,” she said gently. “I know James—he wants you around. You belong there, with him. Everyone knows that.”

Sirius lifted his gaze to meet hers, and the grey eyes were soft and liquid. There was no hint of the exhilarating danger that sometimes darkened them. “Maybe,” he sighed. “But I figured, there’s no harm in making an excuse to stay here and give them some space. It’s only a week. I dunno, Remus thought it was a good idea.”

“It was a very thoughtful thing to do,” Lily agreed. She rubbed his arm, allowing herself one, two strokes, before stepping back. “Look,” she said kindly, “why don’t you take your bath first, and I’ll come back later to take mine. Is an hour enough?” Sirius opened his mouth to object, to insist that she go first, but Lily pressed, “C’mon, you’ve already drawn up your bath and everything. Don’t tell me you’ve decided to become a gentleman now, after all these years.”

Sirius laughed, a genuine smile curving his lips. “Alright, alright. Thanks, Lily.”

“Did you just call me Lily?” she said in shock. “Not Evans?”

He shrugged. “Well, you just called me Sirius a minute ago,” he pointed out.

She paused on her way back into the changing room to fetch her things. “Oh, right. I guess I did.”

* * *

Half of the break passed without incident. Lily’s nighttime fantasies of Sirius were more vivid and realistic than ever now that she’d seen him nearly naked. She even had a dream about him that she vaguely remembered in the morning, and she was grateful that she was alone in her dormitory in case she’d called out his name in her sleep. But she steered clear of him during the day, making sure to head to the library if he was in the common room and to take her meals in the Great Hall quickly before he could arrive and say more than two sentences to her. To be honest, she was frightened by the desire she felt. Lily wasn’t completely inexperienced with sex. She’d dated and been with a couple other boys over the past year or two, a kind Hufflepuff and a respectful, reserved Ravenclaw. But she’d never felt anything like _this_.

On Wednesday afternoon, Lily was reading by the window in the empty common room when Sirius thundered down the stairs from the boys’ dormitory. “Ah, Lily, just the girl I’m looking for,” he said cheerfully. “D’you mind helping me with something?”

“Depends what it is,” she said, eyeing him with mistrust.

“Don’t worry, it’s not dirty,” he said. “Or, at least, unless you want it to be.” He tossed her a playful wink that made her muscles contract.

“Sorry, but I’m going to need a bit more detail than that.”

“I want to shave my head,” Sirius declared grandly. At her shocked expression, he clarified, “I’m just curious what it would look like. I’ve never had a shaved head before. And I’m deathly bored, there’s not much else to do around here. If I like it, I might keep it and give my mates a good scare when they get back. Maybe I’ll even send a photo to my old mum.”

Lily stared at him, trying to figure out whether he was joking. “And why would you need my help for that?”

“To work the razor, of course! I nicked Wood’s from our bathroom—he always keeps his hair short—but I can’t get the back of my head alone.”

“I don’t know how to use a magical razor,” Lily warned him.

He seemed unconcerned. “I’m sure you’ll do great. C’mon, let’s go!” He reached out a hand and hauled her to her feet, then dragged her eagerly toward the stairs. She stumbled along beside him, a small voice in the back of her mind wondering whether she had the willpower to enter his dormitory without allowing something to happen.

A few minutes later, Lily stood next to a shirtless Sirius, who was seated on a desk chair in the middle of the deserted dormitory. She held her wand in one hand and a buzzing magical razor in the other, pretending to examine the blade while actually examining the way his bare shoulder muscles flexed.

“I’m ready,” Sirius declared eagerly, sounding a bit like a child on Christmas Day. “You ready?”

Lily picked up a long, dark lock, feeling a wistful pang. “You sure you want to do this?” she asked. “Your hair, it—”

“Is glorious, I know,” he interrupted, turning around to shoot her a pompous grin. “Don’t worry, pet. I’ll still be handsome without it.” In a more serious tone, he continued, “Anyway, I know the charm to grow it out again if it really looks dreadful. I could be back to the same old shaggy dog within the hour if I wanted.”

“Why is there a charm to grow hair, but not to cut it?” Lily wondered aloud. “Are you pulling my leg with this whole razor thing?”

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Would you want a Cutting Charm aimed so close to your scalp? What if you cut my head open? No thanks.”

Lily had to agree. Her suspicions satisfied, she leaned in, positioned the razor as best she could, and began to cut. His hair was so long that each section took several passes before she began to see results. Her left hand guided her wand, catching the hair scraps and levitating them into a neat pile to be cleaned up later. The ritual was oddly intimate, requiring Lily to bend down close to him to get the sides, around his ears. She resisted the urge to press her lips to his neck, instead counting the tiny dark birthmarks that littered his skin there, each barely bigger than a quill tip. Neither she nor Sirius spoke, so the only sound was of the buzzing razor and their soft breathing.

When the back of his head was done, she circled around to the front to continue. It was actually rather relaxing, a neat and tidy task to focus on, and she wanted to finish the job. The only thing was, to access the front of his head, she had to ease herself even closer to him. She stood now in an even more intimate position, one of her legs in between his knees, bumping up against his clasped hands. “Sorry,” she murmured as the side of her knee accidentally knocked again into his knuckles. “This won’t take long.”

She swore she anticipated the warm, velvety touch of his fingers on her bare thigh before she felt it.

“Sirius,” she hissed in a sharp intake of breath. Just to be safe, she lifted the razor from his scalp. He would’ve looked comical in any other situation, two-thirds of his head shaved, with a long curtain of hair remaining only on his left side. But Lily wasn’t laughing. His fingers were skimming their way slowly up her thigh, up underneath the hem of her skirt, and toward the place between her legs that was already beginning to ache.

“Keep going,” he growled, and his voice was so commanding that it took Lily aback.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” she protested feebly. “Can’t…can’t it wait?”

“Are you going to want me while I look like this?” he asked impatiently, gesturing to his head with his free hand.

“I suppose not,” Lily admitted. She reapplied the razor to his scalp, with a somewhat more trembly hand than before. “I’m not responsible for any crooked lines, though.” She gasped as she felt Sirius reach the sensitive curve where her leg met her bum, rub at it with the back of a single knuckle, then give each cheek a gentle squeeze.

“It’s alright,” Sirius exhaled, grinning wolfishly up at her, “I won’t hold it against you.”

By the time she’d gotten his hair into a relatively presentable state, Lily was surprised she was still standing upright. Her knees shook dangerously and the place between her legs throbbed in time with her pounding heartbeat. The whole area under her skirt felt humid and warm with her arousal. Sirius’s fingers were teasing her mercilessly, sliding ever so slightly under the edge of her knickers before retreating again, gliding down the left side of her bum and then down the right, closer and closer to where she wanted his touch, but never quite reaching there. Each time he withdrew his fingers, she swallowed a ragged gasp and his grin grew wider.

The moment she switched off the razor and the buzzing ceased, he slid both hands up her thighs in earnest. One thumb brushed gently onto her swollen clit over the damp fabric of her panties, making her cry out. She dropped the razor and her wand, and they landed harmlessly on the carpet beside them.

“So ready already,” Sirius muttered, pulling her onto his lap with one hand while he worked her clit tenderly with the other. “So ready to come for me.”

Lily whimpered. His filthy mouth made her crazy in a way she never expected. Those other boys had never uttered a word while they shagged her, other than to ask if this was okay or if that felt good. But Sirius didn’t need to ask. He just seemed to know.

Straddling his lap, she could feel the occasional twitch of his cock hardening underneath her, and each twitch was like an electrifying pulse. “Sirius,” she pleaded, pressing herself up against his fingers, wanting more pressure. “Sirius, please.”

“Please what?” Sirius teased. He grabbed her around the bum and thrust up against her, and the seam of his jeans rubbed deliciously against her clit over her knickers. She cried out wordlessly. “Sorry, I didn’t get that,” he taunted. “Please what?”

Lily wasn’t sure whether she wanted to laugh or to smack him in the head. But she was forcing herself wildly against him now, gripping his bare shoulders, not even caring that short fragments of cut hair still clung to his skin and dusted his jeans. She wasn’t beyond begging. “Please stop playing and fuck me, you enormous prat!”

He held her still with a strong grip and looked her right in the face, as if checking to make sure she really meant it. His grey eyes had darkened into thunderclouds. “Then get on my bed,” he ordered, shoving her off of his lap and toward the correct four-poster. “Clothes off.”

She scrambled to obey, diving onto the bedspread, kicking off her tall boots, shedding her flowery skirt and white knitted jumper. She spared only a moment’s thought to regret that she was wearing some random old knickers rather than the nice kind she wore under her clothes on dates. But with Sirius approaching her now, unbuttoning his flies, his tall form looming over her, a moment’s thought was all she could manage.

She made to bend down and peel her woolly socks off, but Sirius intercepted her, catching her mouth in an urgent kiss.

Dimly, she realized that this was her first ever kiss with Sirius. But by this point, she was so impatient that she couldn’t stop to savor it for long. She reached out to help him shove his jeans down past his knees while he rained wet kisses across her bare neck and chest. Somewhere along the way, she reached behind herself and unhooked her bra. She waited for him to nibble one breast, then the other, before she dragged down the waistband of his underpants to let his cock spring free.

It was as smooth and powerful as she imagined, jutting out from a patch of black hair trimmed short. It bobbed up and down slightly as Lily reached for it, but Sirius shook his head, looking pained. “I won’t last if we don’t get straight to it,” he breathed. He climbed onto the bed. “I’ve waited for this for a while, Lily.”

She nodded and laid back, allowed him to slide her panties off and line himself up to enter her. The head of his cock bumped up against her slit and teased her, sliding up and down endlessly without dipping inside. She moaned. This sore emptiness was pure torture. She wanted to be filled, now.

She hooked her feet around his hips and urged him forward, and with one last tease, he finally thrust inside her.

Lily felt her eyes roll backward. The way his thick cock stretched her out was exquisite. There was no sensation quite like it in the world. She clung to his back and shoulders as Sirius fucked her with deep, slow strokes that moved her whole body. With all the anticipation, all the build-up of the last few weeks and minutes, it was only a few moments before Lily could feel her orgasm building. Perhaps Sirius wasn’t the only one who wouldn’t last.

“Faster,” she whimpered in his ear.

He obeyed, thrusting in and out of her with more speed now, sliding a thumb in between their bodies to massage her clit. And as wanton as Lily was, that was all it took—she grabbed the sheets and arched up as she came, frozen, helpless, crying out his name, her body pulsing in waves around him.

Sirius didn’t stop, and it wasn’t long after she’d recovered from her first orgasm that she wanted another. She leaned up to catch Sirius in another kiss and rolled them over carefully until he was on his back. Straddling him at this angle, she had a great view of his chest, could run her hands up and down the ridges of his abdomen. She bounced up and down experimentally and was rewarded as Sirius took in a deep, satisfied hiss of air.

She rode him, slowly at first, then more frantically, and a second orgasm slid right out of her like butter. Before she could even regain awareness, though, Sirius was grabbing her by the hips viciously, positioning her body and thrusting up into it, his breathing growing ragged. He came moments later, his eyes closed and his face crumpled, a series of low rumbles ripping from his throat.

Exhausted, Lily collapsed down onto him, feeling his cock pulsating inside her. She kissed his ear and cheek and listened to the racing heartbeats in their joined chests pounding together. After a minute, Sirius opened his eyes and guided her gently off of him. His cock slipped free, slick and still half-hard.

“Holy mother of Merlin,” Lily breathed. It came out as more of an exhale than a sentence, and when she tried to roll up onto her elbow, her muscles failed her, and she collapsed back onto the bed. “I think I’m going to need a nap.”

Sirius was waving his wand in a lazy pattern around them now, cleaning up the sheets. “Stay as long as you’d like,” he said with a shrug. “Supper should be in an hour or so, I reckon.”

She sank into the mattress, savoring the way his scent rose from the pillow. She tried to relax, but as the haze of her last orgasm faded, the uglier realities of what they’d done started to prick at her mind. Try as she might, she couldn’t ignore them. “Sirius?”

“Hmm?” He was leaning back on the pillow beside hers, eyes closed again.

“You don’t suppose Remus will mind, do you?” She cleared her throat, feeling suddenly awkward. “I mean—we’re friends, he and I, and I wouldn’t want…but I figured you’d never do anything that would hurt him, right?”

His grey eyes popped open and he rose onto his elbow to fix her with a fiery look. “Never,” he said firmly, as if he were offended that she even had to ask. “Remus and I both know that we’re friends first, and everything else is just extra.” His hard expression softened a bit. “He knows that I’d take a curse for him, that I’d die for him. Couldn’t say the same for anyone else I boff—sorry, Lily, even you.”

Lily nodded her understanding. “Fair enough. B-but what about Potter? Will it bother him?” she asked, feeling even more awkward as her voice shook.

Sirius was staring off into space now, still with a strange, soft look on his face. One wandering hand stroked idly along Lily’s bare side. “Don’t worry about James. He’ll be fine.” When she let out an unconvinced little noise, he tightened his grip on her hip, his fingertips pressing down hard. “I don’t need you to tell me how to handle my business with my friends,” he warned, his voice steely. “They’re everything to me. I thought I made that clear.”

“I—I’m not,” she stammered. “I was just assuming everyone would find out—”

Sirius snorted, his regular smirk returning. “We’re not a bunch of women, we don’t have to run off to discuss it every time one of us boffs someone. Nobody has to know. James and Peter don’t officially know about me and Remus yet, though I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve figured it out.”

Lily was nonplussed. “So, you don’t, er, brag to each other?”

Sirius laughed his soft bark of a laugh. “Some blokes do, yeah. Peter won’t shut up whenever he gets any action. But I don’t brag. I dunno, it just doesn’t seem right.”

This served only to endear him to Lily more. She found herself wondering why she’d ever thought he was an insufferable prat. To be honest, she’d assumed he remained perpetually single despite his good looks and charm simply because his personality was unbearable. But was it possible that, under all the bluster, he was actually a thoughtful, loyal, mature person? Could Lily, as the lucky first to stumble upon this secret, hidden Sirius Black, maybe have him all to herself?

She gave a happy little wiggle, relaxing into his languid petting. In spite of herself, she rather liked that idea.

She wasn’t sure how long she and Sirius laid like that, side by side, before he rose and began to pull on his clothes. “Time for supper,” he said. “Join me, will you? I know you’ve been dodging me all week, but hopefully by now you’ve learned that my company isn’t so bad.” Lily flushed, but before she could deny avoiding him, Sirius suddenly caught sight of his new haircut in the bathroom mirror for the first time and cried out. “Is that me?” he yelped. “Oh, bollocks! I look like a potato, don’t I?”

Lily snickered. “A bit, yeah.”

He shot her a despairing look and rubbed the top of his stubbly head. “Alright, well. You’re going to take one photo of me like this, just to prove it happened. I’ll keep this monstrosity for tonight—give Dumbledore the shock of his life at supper, I reckon—and then we’re growing it all back first thing tomorrow.”

“We?” Lily echoed, pulling a disgusted face, but she was grinning.

Sirius picked her jumper up off the floor and threw it at her. “Come off it, don’t play coy—I know you want to do this again. You seemed to enjoy yourself pretty well just now.” He raised his eyebrows pointedly in the direction of her feet, a smirk dancing on his lips. “You didn’t even want to stop long enough to take off your socks.”

Lily looked down and realized, for the first time, that she was completely starkers except for her woolly socked feet. “Oh, Christ!”

* * *

They had supper together that night, and then took every meal together in the Great Hall for the rest of the break.

Lily was astonished to find that Sirius was good company when he wasn’t surrounded by his silly friends or egged on by an admiring crowd. He was polite and thoughtful, always serving her food and drink first, opening doors for her, and carrying her books—evidently, holdovers from his posh upbringing. He no longer made dirty jokes to embarrass her. Indeed, it was rather _pleasant_ to have him around.

There was only one odd thing—he never kissed her, or held her hand, around the castle. The only time he showed her affection was in the leadup to sex, in the privacy of their empty dormitories. Lily supposed that, since Sirius could have her any time he wanted in private, in public he thought it was simpler just to act like her friend. Lily was torn between following his lead and yearning to touch him openly. She knew they weren’t dating, but there were tons of other couples who were only shagging but still snuggled up to each other in the common room.

All this didn’t bother her much at first. Each day, she woke up and moved about the castle as if living out an unbelievably good dream. She’d sit in the Great Hall or on the grounds by the lake with Sirius, and marvel at the fact that the few other students who also stayed over Easter hadn’t the foggiest idea that the very ground had shifted beneath all of them, that reality had simply…shattered. She, Lily Evans, was involved with the second-to-last person on Earth she ever thought she’d be. A beautiful, stormy boy she snuck glances at all day and then fucked until she collapsed each night. She was ravenous for him, for his rough touch, his wet kisses, and his unexpected kindnesses. And nobody else knew what she had discovered. The whole charade was thrilling.

Inevitably, though, Sunday evening came, and the Hogwarts Express pulled into Hogsmeade station, carrying back with it a wave of students and Remus, James, and Peter. Lily felt silly asking Sirius what this would mean for the two of them, so she decided she’d just wait and see.

After supper in the common room, near the couch where Lily sat studying with Mary, Sirius produced the photographic evidence of his shaved head to his incredulous friends, who hooted and hollered over it as wildly as expected. When Remus asked how he’d managed it by himself, Sirius replied, “Wasn’t me! This handiwork was all Evans.”

All eyes in the group shot to Lily. She gave the boys a weak smile. “It’s true,” she confirmed.

“I thought it was against the prefects’ oath to commit crimes against humanity,” James commented, punching Sirius in the arm. Peter collapsed in a fit of giggles.

“I didn’t realize you stayed here for Easter as well, Lily,” Remus said, coming over to take a seat on the sofa across from her. “How was your week?”

Lily made a non-committal noise and waited to see whether Sirius would jump in, give any indication to his friends that he and Lily had gotten closer over the break. But he said nothing, just grinned at her and plopped down on the couch next to Remus, kicking his feet up onto the table. The conversation moved on as James asked Mary, politely, whether her family was well.

It wasn’t long, though, before most of the travelers were yawning from their long trip back from London. Peter’s eyelids were drooping, and only Sirius’s shoulder was keeping Remus’s head upright. “Time for bed, then, team?” James asked, swallowing another yawn and getting to his feet. With a few mutterings of “G’night”, Peter and Remus trailed sleepily after him, but Sirius remained seated.

“I’m heading upstairs, too,” Mary said. “See you up there, Lil.”

“I won’t be far behind you,” Lily stated, her eyes on Sirius. But whatever he was thinking, it didn’t show up on his face.

He fiddled idly with a zipper on his leather jacket, sliding it up and down and then back up again, and didn’t speak until Mary’s feet had completely disappeared up the girls’ staircase. “Well, Lily, what do you think? Can you manage one night without me, or would you miss me too much?” he asked with a boastful grin. “I can probably sneak you in once they all get to sleep.”

Lily took a deep breath, trying to keep her voice light. “Is that what we’re doing now? Sneaking around?”

Sirius shrugged. “Yeah, I suppose, unless you want to tell everyone.”

Lily swallowed. “Tell everyone what, exactly?”

Sirius knitted his eyebrows, as if he wasn’t sure what Lily was asking. “Well, that we’re boffing, so they need to learn to bugger off if there’s a woolly sock on the doorknob.”

That brought a smile to Lily’s face. “You wouldn’t tell people that,” she accused. “You’re shameless, but not that shameless.”

“Stop worrying about how shameless I am, and start worrying about how shameless you are,” Sirius said, leaning toward her, his elbows on his knees and his gaze darkening again. “I think you like the sneaking, you little swot. I think it makes you feel alive.”

Lily bit her lip and nodded, feeling the muscles between her legs twitch in anticipation. It was madness, how he easily he could set her off. “Meet you back down here when everyone’s asleep.”

And so it began, their new little game. Lily was never sure when their next moment alone would be, so, for the entire month of May, she lived in a perpetual state of arousal that was both exhilarating and exhausting. Sirius would corner her in deserted side corridors, pull her behind tapestries, slip her little folded-up bits of parchment in class that said only one word: _Tonight._ They spent slippery evenings together in the prefects’ bathroom, and even, once, fucked in a shadowy corner of the Gryffindor common room in the wee hours of the morning. She spent a lot of time hidden inside his drawn bed hangings, shielded all around by silencing charms. But Lily never spent the whole night in Sirius’s bed, as much as she wanted to, because he never invited her to stay. In any case, the charade was neater that way.

But as the days passed, Lily could no longer lie to herself; his peculiarities were beginning to wear on her. Now that his friends were around, things weren’t as lovely as they’d been over the break. He passed her in the corridors with only a wink. He sat next to James, Remus, or Peter at meals without a moment’s hesitation, even when there was an open seat beside her. Whenever he did stop to chat with her, he was gone far too quickly again, sending a pang through her belly each time he stood and slid on his leather jacket before he walked away. He made her laugh when they were alone together, tickling her and teasing her, but it felt oddly empty. It was still only in the moments right before sex that he grew intense, fixed her with that dark gaze, and looked at her like she mattered deeply to him.

All the secrecy was souring for her in earnest, now. She kissed him eagerly as soon as they were alone, her arms wrapped around his neck, tangling her body with his in a rush of built-up affection. She wished more and more that he would allow her to do the same around others, but he never did. In public, he was perfectly polite to her, friendly, even—but he kept his limbs close to his core, his body closed off to her. She’d made the mistake of reaching for his hand only once, while walking alone with him down to the greenhouses for Herbology. It was a slight movement, barely impolite, but he flinched away when the backs of their knuckles touched. Lily had retreated, somewhat hurt, but didn’t bring it up to him. She never brought up any of it. Somehow, she sensed it would be unwelcome.

On the day of Petunia’s engagement party, Lily was in a foul mood and desperate for a pick-me-up. She’d hardly believed it when her mother wrote, apologetically explaining that Petunia was eager to start on wedding plans and had decided not to wait a mere three more weeks until Lily was home and could be in attendance. As if Lily wasn’t a member of her family. As if Lily wasn’t her own sodding sister.

She caught Sirius subtly by the arm as they were leaving Charms, their last lesson of the day. “I need a distraction,” she murmured in his ear.

Without missing a beat, he called smoothly to his friends and made some excuse to hang back. They strolled down the corridor together slowly, waiting for the rest of the Gryffindors to proceed ahead of them.

When the last of them had disappeared, he looked down at her curiously, taking in her red face, her grumpy expression. “What’s going on? Bee in your bonnet?” he teased.

Lily huffed. “It’s my sister—she’s being a right bitch.”

“Right, well, maybe I can help cheer you up,” he said, fixing her with a hungry grin that made her heart pound. He glanced around, sharp eyes alighting on a nearby supply closet. “I don’t have much time—my mates think I’m asking Flitwick about some trouble we’ve been having with a Homonculous Charm—but this’ll do.”

By the time the closet door clicked shut and Sirius cast the silencing and locking charms, Lily was already wet with anticipation of what would come next. She leaped onto him as he turned around, catching his lips in a needy kiss. He returned her enthusiasm, pressing her into the wall between a bookcase of old textbooks and a stack of spare cauldrons. She tried to slow them down, to savor the rare intimacy between them and extend every minute alone, but he seemed to be in a hurry. “Come here, pet.” With a heavy hand on her shoulder, he urged her onto her knees.

Lily ducked obediently underneath his robes and tugged his pants down. She took his bobbing cock into her hand, ran her tongue along its underside. She let it grow hard and thick in her mouth, listening for the telltale hiss of approval she’d come to know well, the sound that told her she was doing a good job.

Her knees hadn’t even started to get sore on the cold tile floor before he reached down and urged her back onto her feet, then lifted her clean up into the air and plopped her down on top of a spare desk. Lily was exhilarated by his urgency, the deliciously rough way it made him handle her. But there was a small, regretful voice in the back of her mind also, mourning that she couldn’t take her sweet time. She seemed never to get enough time.

He didn’t even bother with her robes, simply shoving them up and leaving them to bunch around her waist. His fingers reached out to glide across the front of her damp knickers, sending shocks once, twice, three times up her spine. Then he yanked them to one side with such accidental force that the delicate fabric ripped away against her leg, exposing her to him completely. The satisfied, domineering look on his face was so arousing that, when he lowered his head to lap at her with a slick, velvety tongue, Lily nearly came on the spot.

But even this didn’t last long enough to savor. Once her cries and tremors had subsided, he got back to his feet and shoved into her without warning, pinning her onto the desk. His thick cock stretched her as deliciously as always, but he wasn’t careful at all, his powerful strokes jostling her until her head thumped lightly against the wall. She braced one hand on the desk, tangled her other in his long hair, and tried in vain to slow him down.

Rough as he was, though, it wasn’t long before she came again against his helpful fingers, her thighs clamped tightly around his waist. By now, his thumb knew exactly the right pattern to trace to send her eyes rolling backward. And Sirius took that as his cue to let go, too, his movements becoming faster and faster until he collapsed, panting, suspended on his elbows on top of her.

After a moment, he pulled free and straightened up. He readjusted his robes and reached to smooth his hair back. “Feel any better?” he asked her with a smile, brushing a finger down her cheek.

Lily looked back at him in a haze, her legs still trembling. She did, but then again, she didn’t.

* * *

It was nearly the end of term, and Lily still hadn’t mustered up the courage to ask Sirius if he wanted to see her over the summer. As Sirius was staying at the Potters, he’d have to come over to her house. Lily was thankful that they were of age and could now use magic to sneak him into Lily’s room, circumventing the watchful eyes of her parents.

Lily was considering how she’d bring it up to him while she walked around her dormitory, packing her trunk up for the summer. She must’ve been muttering to herself because, when she looked up, she saw Mary regarding her curiously from across the room. “Something on your mind?” Mary asked.

Lily grunted. “It’s nothing. I’m just wondering why some blokes our age can’t just be normal. It’s impossible to figure them out.”

Mary nodded, an odd look crossing her face. “Isn’t that the truth. Well, take it from me, sometimes it’s not worth the effort of trying to figure them out. You can’t change them, anyway.” She gave Lily a sharp look. “You’re not thinking of forgiving Severus after everything, are you? You know that’s a hopeless case!”

Lily bit her lip. “No,” she said, feeling pained. Before Mary could ask anything else, she turned away and began to stack all the stray library books that had collected in her living space over the course of the school year, littering her bedside table, her desk, the area underneath her bed. By the time she was done, she’d created two tall, teetering towers.

“Need some help?” Mary offered as Lily left the dormitory, levitating both stacks precariously in front of her with her wand.

“No, thank you,” Lily called back. But by the time she got to the bottom of the stairs, it was clear that it was a two-person job. The stacks were wobbling with each step and there was no way that both would make it all the way to the library intact.

Struck with inspiration, she set the stacks down on the floor and darted up the stairs to the boys’ dormitory. When she pushed open the door, Sirius was lounging on his bed, staring off into space with a pensive look on his face. The only other person in the room was Peter, bent over a letter at his desk and chewing on the end of his quill.

“Er, Sirius?” she said. Both boys turned to look at her. “D’you mind helping me with something?”

Sirius grinned at the covert echo of the day she’d shaved his head. “I’m afraid I need a bit more detail than that,” he joked back.

“Well, I need someone to help me carry something,” she said. “All brawn, not too much brains. You fit the bill, don’t you?”

Peter snickered, but Sirius got to his feet agreeably and tossed on his leather jacket. “Alright then, let’s go.”

They chatted amiably on their way to the library, each levitating a stack of books. They discussed how each of their final exams went and ruefully mourned Gryffindor’s last Quidditch loss to Hufflepuff, of all people. Lily didn’t have much interest in Quidditch, but it didn’t matter what they talked about, to be honest; she was just happy to be talking to Sirius.

After they dropped off the books and exited the library, there was a moment’s hesitation where Lily paused, hoping to finally ask him about the summer.

Sirius seemed to misinterpret this as her wanting a bit of fun, and so he grabbed her hand and drew her into a nearby empty classroom. As the lock clicked shut behind them, he shed his jacket, then bent down to push aside her hair and press a soft kiss to her exposed neck. His hands gripped her back, then slid down to her bum.

“Last romp of the year,” he murmured against her skin. “Upset we can’t do this again until September first?” He continued to run his hands over her body, catching her earlobe gently between his teeth, teasing her, testing her.

It was like a dam broke inside her then, whatever precariously constructed thing that had been holding back her bad feelings for weeks finally crumbling along with her resolve. The casual assumption in his voice was infuriating. Did he know she was desperate to see him this summer? Why did he have to force her to admit it like this? Didn’t he want the same thing, even a little bit?

She shoved him away. “I—I can’t do this anymore,” she burst out. Her brain felt like it was stuffed with straw, and with Sirius standing there in another one of his dumb band t-shirts, looking at her with his head cocked to the side, she suddenly felt as ridiculous as a scarecrow with its arms outstretched in a field of wheat. “Why are you acting like this?”

“Acting like what?” he asked.

“Like you don’t care!” she spluttered. “Like—like I mean nothing to you!”

Sirius frowned. “I don’t act like you mean nothing,” he argued. “I just helped you return all those bloody books to the library, didn’t I?”

She only glared at him in silence, trying to find her voice, her fists clenching and unclenching by her sides.

Sirius rubbed his face, looking suddenly weary. “Look, I’m sorry if I’ve offended you somehow, Lily. But I can’t see what I’ve done wrong. I didn’t push you to do anything you didn’t want to do, did I?”

Lily chewed on her bottom lip. “No,” she admitted. “But that’s not really the problem.”

“So, what exactly is the problem, then?”

Her face was tingling hot with frustration, and, humiliatingly, her eyes were prickling with tears. She could tell by his edgy tone that Sirius was trying to stay polite now, his irritation with her straining against the good breeding that taught him never to raise his voice to a lady. He picked up his leather jacket again and slid into the arms, the universal signal that he was preparing to leave her alone, this time having not kissed her on the lips, not even once. The one thing she was so hungry for, and he never gave enough.

“Don’t you fancy me?” she blurted out suddenly. The question hung in the air between them, sounding silly. Lily, the girl who refused to read _Witch Weekly_ on feminist principles, could barely recognize herself as someone who would say such words. But she was too far gone now, sucked too deeply into the insanity that whipped like tornado winds around this stormy boy. “I mean, why don’t you ever kiss me unless we’re fucking? Why do you squeeze me into the margins of your life, like I don’t belong there?”

Sirius drew himself up to full height, his eyes cold like dirty ice. “Relationships aren’t my priority,” he said stiffly. “My friends are. I’ve been upfront with you about that from the beginning. You knew what you were getting with me.”

It was the first time Lily remembered Sirius ever looking at her like this, like she was a slug squished under the bottom of his combat boot. Fat tears were spilling over onto her cheeks now, and she couldn’t stop them. “You’re a git,” she spat. “You used me.”

“I did not,” Sirius corrected. “You were willing.”

It was all the more horrible, the fact that it was true. Lily felt like she might combust in frustration. She didn’t understand why things had changed so much, how she had come to feel this way. For Sirius was right—it was really her, not him, who had changed their mind. But even so, his disinterested gaze, completely devoid of warmth, struck her now with more cruelty than a Cruciatus.

Desperate, Lily searched for the words that would hurt Sirius most, that would _force_ him to care. The words that might inflict upon him some tiny fraction of the pain he was causing her. “Well, I was wrong, then,” she whispered bitterly. “I was so wrong. About you, about everything. Honestly, sometimes I think…sometimes I think I made the wrong choice between you and Potter. He would never do this to me.”

Sirius blinked at her, and a flash of triumph flickered in his stony eyes.

“He’s the better version of you, you know,” Lily pressed on viciously. “Everyone thinks you two are so funny, so charming, two little chivalrous peas in a pod. But the truth is, Potter knows where to draw the line, but you don’t care who you hurt, or how much.” She was sure Sirius realized that she was alluding to the incident with Severus a year ago, even if she didn’t say it aloud. “The two of you aren’t the children you were back in first year anymore, Sirius. Take a look at yourself. Potter’s matured into a kind, normal person, and you’ve matured into a cruel, self-serving git.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Is that so?”

“Yes!” Lily spat. She’d initially intended it as a barb to hurt Sirius, not caring whether it was true, but now her conviction was growing. The more she said it, the more she believed it. “Potter may walk around like an over-puffed rooster, but at least he has his head on straight. He would never intentionally harm anyone. Least of all, me.”

“You’re right, he wouldn’t,” Sirius said agreeably. He took a step toward the door, and Lily’s heart sank. He really didn’t care. He was leaving anyway.

She was so furious that she didn’t find her voice again until he’d already opened the door. “So, that’s it?” she demanded. “We’re just leaving it like this?”

He paused only to give her another imperious look. “It sounds like you have a lot on your mind, Lily. Take the summer to think about what you really want.”

And then he was gone, leaving her head spinning. For now, she was in shock. She wasn’t sure how something, once so lovely, had so quickly collapsed, crumbling under her feet like a massive sinkhole.

But in the coming weeks, shutting herself in her bedroom at home, surrounded by wedding nonsense and thinking constantly of love, she would come to realize that Sirius hadn’t duped her, so much as he’d taught her a very important lesson. People were who they showed you they were. The question was whether or not you were willing to see it.

Sirius’s last words, too, would echo in her head again and again. What _did_ she really want? Petunia was happy with that poor sod Vernon, dreadfully dull, flat, and plodding as he was, but Lily was different. She wanted someone who lit up every room he entered, who lived life like he loved each minute, who carried himself with ease. Someone who would put her first and love her with abandon. A secret sweetheart, a scoundrel who only felt dangerous but was, in reality, nothing but safe. 

She had thought she wanted Sirius, but now she was starting to think that, maybe, she actually didn’t.

* * *

_“Prongs, I have an idea,” Sirius announced to James as they stood side-by-side in front of the sinks in their dormitory bathroom, getting ready for bed. “It’s a crazy one, but it just might work.”_

_“Idea for what?” James asked. “A new prank?”_

_“Not as much,” Sirius said. He paused for a moment. This was the tricky part; he had to sell it in just the right way, or risk James not speaking to him for a week. “I know you’ve finally given up on Evans, and I’m proud of you for it. I know it wasn’t easy. But are you happy messing about with those other birds? Doesn’t seem like it, to be honest.”_

_“Quidditch groupies,” James sighed at once, shaking his head. “They’re not very interesting after a while. I need someone I can match wits with.”_

_“I think so, too. What do you say we try one last plot to drive Evans into your arms? It might work this time—we’re older and cleverer than before, plus she seems not to loathe you nearly as much anymore. We can work with that.”_

_James spat out a mouth full of toothpaste. “She doesn’t hate me, but she doesn’t like me, either,” he pointed out. “I think I ruined my chances by being a prat before. You know how Lily is when it comes to me. To us. To basically anyone, actually. She thinks she knows everything there is to know, and she's not open to changing her mind.”_

_“But, say she did—you’d still be interested,” Sirius prompted. “It would make you happy.”_

_“Well, yeah,” James admitted. “The happiest.”_

_“And you’d try anything?” Sirius asked._

_“I’ve already tried everything,” James said with a small laugh._

_“Not my plan,” Sirius said. “I think I can get her to see you in a new light.” Now, James was eyeing him in the mirror with ill-disguised curiosity. “You’re not going to like it,” Sirius warned him. “But try to keep an open mind. I thought of it while I was at the library with Wormtail and Moony today—must’ve soaked in the wisdom of the ancients. I’ve already laid the groundwork and everything.”_

_“Oh, yeah? Well, let’s hear it then, mate.”_

* * *

On the evening before their wedding, James sat quietly with Lily on the stoop of the flat he shared with Peter. In the dusk, the fireflies were blinking in and out, little glowing dots scattered all across the small front lawn.

James let out a content sigh. The flowers were arranged, the chairs and tables delivered, and his suit was pressed and hanging in its garment bag safely in his closet. Everything was set for the following day. Now, all that was left was to marry the hard-won girl of his dreams.

He stroked the back of Lily’s hand with his thumb and said, “I’ve been thinking. I should probably tell you something before we become man and wife, just to ease your mind.”

“What is it?”

He reached out to wrap her in his arms, as if to reinforce what he was about to say. “I know what happened between you and Sirius. In sixth year. And I’m fine with it. I actually encouraged him to go ahead with it.”

Lily’s eyes were wide. “Really? Why?”

James shrugged. “It was one last play from a tired man with nothing to lose,” he joked. “I knew the direct approach would never work, so I had to go with something a little less conventional.” He pulled back and looked down at her. “Do you remember the Quidditch finals during fourth year? Gryffindor was down by 140 points and Owens saw the Snitch just out of reach, so he launched himself off his broom, grabbed it, and trusted someone to catch him before he hit the ground. And it worked out—we won the Cup.”

“I’m still not sure I’m cottoning on,” Lily said, her eyebrows knit.

James laughed. “Forget the Quidditch metaphors. What I mean is, it was a risk. If Sirius was exactly what you'd wanted, you would've fallen in love with _him_ instead. If he was too much of a git, you'd end up hating us all. But the wanker's rather good with people, you have to admit. He thought he was just the right balance to get you thinking about us differently, and he was right.”

Lily hummed, seemingly turning this all over in her head. “You weren’t afraid he might fall in love with me in the process?” she teased. “That we’d get married and live happily ever after?”

James snorted. “You two would’ve throttled each other to death long before you made it to the altar. Besides, you don’t know Sirius like I do. He doesn’t fall in love quite so easily.” He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “He’s odd in that way. I don’t know the whole of it, but I can only assume those batty old purebloods did a number on him before he left. So, no. I wasn’t afraid of that. I thought—well, I hoped you’d come around to me in the end.”

Lily was quiet for a long while. Finally, she whispered, “I’m sorry, James. I would’ve come around a lot sooner, but I made so many mistakes in those days. With Sirius. With Sev. With you. I was always refusing to see what was plainly there, right in front of me.” She sighed, and added, “Sirius and I…it all happened before you and I were anything, you know. Before I realized what a good man you were.”

“I know,” James said. “But Sirius is a good man, too. Just, in a different way.”

Lily chuckled softly. “You two are going to be defending each other until the day you die, aren’t you?” She sighed again. “But yeah, I know. It took a while—I was _furious_ at him, you know—but now I think I finally understand. He did me a favor.”

James gave her another squeeze. “One day, you’ll come to see him like I do, I’m sure of it. You’ll come to love him. Everything he does, he does for his friends.” He grinned down at her. “And now that we’re getting married…well, congratulations, Lily, you’ve made it. Welcome to the inner circle.”

Lily snorted. “What a bollocksed-up, disturbed circle to belong to,” she said, rolling her eyes, but when she was done shaking her head, the smile that had spread across her face was nothing but content.


End file.
